We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
