I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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