Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
