you traded sex for a burrito?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
NoShamevember. You game?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
