i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
