I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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