big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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