47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
