i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
