roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
