yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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