Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
did you just send me my own nude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
