If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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