He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
