I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
