I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
