Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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