I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
