This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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