That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize