this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
