u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
