How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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