South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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