Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
