i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
