he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
