benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
