i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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