Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's never too late to be topless.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
