I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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