Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize