i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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