it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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