it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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