I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
