just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
