I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
