It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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