I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Alive.
So much puke
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
