census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
