can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just puked most of my soul out..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
