She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
