New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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