ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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