i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
