so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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