I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
