so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
