You just made me feel so damn special
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
