Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
