I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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