office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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