the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize