You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
