Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
