I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
