Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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