Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so explain again why im purple
no
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
