Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
