remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this just has baby written all over it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
