Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
