my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
