omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
