so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my fart just growled at me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
