Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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