u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize