How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
