I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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