please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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