I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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