My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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